“She did not know he had tried to stop. He always lasted a week, or two weeks, or maybe two days, and then he’d think and decide to have some in his home one more last time. “ – David Foster Wallace

And so it begins. Today was the first step to breaking the addiction that had me sneaking cupcakes in the car on the way home from the city, planning on giving a box of donut holes to a friend but ending up eating them myself, ordering a dessert at a restaurant and one to-go because I knew I’d want more, more, always more (Uncommon Ground’s Flourless Chocolate Cake, I’m lookin’ at you!!!)

I made it through today. I’ll make it through tomorrow. It wasn’t even that bad.

On Saturday, I had an epiphany—

I was putting off working out (doing chores in my workout gear, cuz the time I’m wearing my workout stuff equals the time I’m working out, right?) and I stopped, mid-mirror-washing—Hey. Working out is doing something hard for your body now that’s eventually good. The same thing as breaking your sugar addiction. So if you can’t just do a mere half an hour workout, how are you going to sustain a 90-day journey to break this addiction for once and for all?

Humbled, I Tracy Anderson-ed the heck out of the workout.

I don’t want to be overwhelmed with shame craving, intimidating as two pages without a paragraph break.

I’m going to last for more than a week, two weeks. There is no “one more last time.” This is it.